Saturday, September 30, 2006

Blog Shift

My blog has shifted to

Siva's Reviews

Please view that blog and comment. Thank u.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Mother-in-Law [Am Back, after a long gap]

A woman had 3 girls. One day she decides to test her sons-in-law. She invites the first one for a stroll by the lakeshore, purposely falls in and pretends to be drowning. Without any hesitation, the son-in-law jumps in and saves her.

The next morning, he finds a brand new Toyota car in his driveway with this message on the windshield…

“Thank you!
Your mother-in-law who loves you!

A few days later, the lady does the same thing with the second son-in-law. He jumps in the water and saves her also. She offers him a new Honda car with the same message on the windshield…

Thank you!
Your mother-in-law who loves you!

A few days later, she does the same thing again with the third son-in-law. While she is drowning, the son-in-law looks at her without moving an inch and thinks:

”Finaly! It’s about time that this old witch dies!

The next morning, he receives a brand new Ferrari car with this message…

THANK YOU!
Your father-in-law.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Newton - 2006

Recently the father of physics(Newton) made a visit to earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Indian movies and had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologised for everything he had done.

In the movie of Mithun Chakravarthy Newton dada was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes:

1) Mithunda has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Mithunda is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live Mithunda

2) In one of the movies, Mithunda is confronted with 2 gangsters. Mithunda has a Gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does.......
He holds a knife in his hand and shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters. Then, Mithunda utters the following dialogue "Apun ka naam hai HIRA, Apun ne sabko Chiraa".

3) Mithunda is chased by a gangster. Mithunda has a revolvver but he got no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Mithunda opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies....

4) The heroine is tied to an electric chair and the remote is in the hands of the villain about 100 km away. As usual, the villain confronts the hero saying "Hathiyar phek do warna main yeh remote ka button dabake tumhari mehbooba ko mar doonga".
The usual fight occurs and just as the hero makes the final blow, the villain dies but not before he presses than damn button. Now what to do? Sure enough, there is a horse and the hero jumps on it. Now there is a race: The current in the cable connected to the electric chair is moving fast but our hero and his horse are desparately trying tocatch up.... goes on for a few km and just as the current would hit the chair, the hero jumps from the horse and picks the girl away from the chain and husssshhhh. She is saved. The poor electric current only goes to an empty chair. Climax, taaalian. Hero! Hero!! Hero!!!

This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely pissed off and he decided to go back. But he happened to see a Rajnikanth movie for one last time and thought that atleast one movie will follow his theory of physics.

The whole movies goes fine and newton is happy that all in the world hasnt changed. Oops not so fast. The climax finally arrives.Rajni gets to know that the villian is on the the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajni can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajni has to desparalety kill the villian because its the climax Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible).. Rajni suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall ,he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villian is dead.

Newton faints !!!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Never Lie...

The characters and the story is just an imagination.

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for
dinner, who lives with a girl
roommate Sunita.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't
help but notice how pretty Kumar's, roommate was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship
between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the
course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started
to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the
eye. Reading his mom's thoughts,
Kumar volunteered, "I know what you
must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the
silver chutney jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Kumar said,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, ! just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the chutney jar
from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the chutney
jar.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were
here
for dinner.

Love,
Kumar.


Several days later, Kumar received an email from his
Mother which read
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and
I'm not saying that you do not' sleep with Sunita. But the fact
remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found
the chutney jar by now under the pillow...

Love,
Mom.

Lesson of the day: Don't Lie to Your Mother...........especially if she is
Indian!!!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Dumb Jokes(Really)!!!

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
Sanka.

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud."
"Yes sir," came the reply, "it's fresh ground."

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
He looks through a catalog in the plastic surgeon's office.

How can you recognize a burned-out hippie?
He used to take acid, now he takes antacid.

What has three teeth and sixty feet?
The front row at a Willy Nelson concert.

What is the new O.J. web site address?
slash.slash.backslash.escape

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

Do you know how you can spot Ronald McDonald on the beach?
He is the only one with sesame seed buns.

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

Have you heard of the new Ken Doll. It's called the "Child Support Ken"?
It can't be found.

What do you call a funeral where you smell your own flowers?
A wedding.

How do you get five hundred cows in a barn?
Put up a "Bingo" sign.

What does a bulimic have for dessert?
Two fingers.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Parable of the Carrot, Egg, and Coffee...

You may never look at a CUP OF COFFEE the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling.
It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose. Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter,
she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee.
The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.
The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"
Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting.
However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.
The egg had been fragile.
Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. " When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.
If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you can get better and change the situation around you with God's help. How do you handle adversity?
When adversity strikes, ask yourself...
ARE YOU A CARROT, AN EGG, OR A COFFEE BEAN?

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Believe It or Not!!!


* A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.

* Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

* On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

* The average human eats eight spiders in their lifetime at night.(Taste it tonight)

* The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

* There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

* You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.(Try it!!! LOL)

* You share your birthday with at least nine million other people in the world.

* More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

* Some lions mate over 50 times a day!!!(My Goodness!)